35 year old mom of 3 doesn't die from performing in 7 Nutcrackers

I auditioned for a couple of Nutcracker shows this year. I'm running out of stage time so I wanted to make sure I maximized this year as I'm feeling good and in shape enough to perform.

So what did this look like for a business owner, mom of three, and wife to the amazing Jonathan Shiplett, to train, rehearse and perform in 7 shows of Nutcracker with three roles and many many minutes on stage. Let me tell you, its not for the faint of heart.

Here are the highlights

• I took five ballet classes as week each around two hours

• I worked minimally but some additional time at home in our basement studio on strength building

• Rehearsals were Saturdays and took half to the whole day - Jonny had his hands full with the kids at home

• During the two weeks of shows I was in the theatre 4-5 hours a night and I did not take the days off from making lunches and working at Eden and Gray.

• I bruised and lost a toe nail, but rest assured it's growing back

• I did not suffer any major embarrassing moments

• I was able to work with many amazing dancers and tons of very talented directors

• I wore a stunning red tutu

• I never did get my back leg straight in grand jete despite a true effort and working on it in class like... a lot.

• I did not die.

• Despite half of my church and one side of our extended family coming down with COVID, some how our family escaped its grasp.

The real question is - would I do it again?

There were times I really questioned if what I asked my family to do was worth the result. I really struggle as an artist knowing, is my mediocre dancing something the world needs or is it just my vanity that keeps me going. Then I remember what a dear sister of mine has said. "Don't undo in doubt what you did in faith" I know that God has laid this desire on my heart and that he has a plan. I learned this year the plan most certainly isn't for me to dance professionally, but maybe my thing is that I'm not a spring chicken, but I am still going for it, and sometimes I'm not half bad. Maybe I'm like the Betty White of Ballet. A late but sure bloomer, who's swan song is better than the first act, and by doing something beyond my believed ability. Maybe some one else who is wondering if they can dance and they see me and say - If she can do it, I can do it. Who knows?

I always feel at a loss after we close on a big project, end a show, or have some other closure that was months of focused energy and attention. I feel exactly the same way about dancing right now. I still feel good, healthy, and I love dancing, but does the world need that from me or am I more needed elsewhere? I do believe this will be answered in time. I'm not sure if I should keep going, start teaching again, or work on side gig choreography. Open to feedback friends. You don't have to throw a tomato but tell me if I should wrap it up. I may not listen but I'd like to hear some honest feedback!

I have way more to write about specific experiences and reflections, but I did finish up my VLOG and I'm putting it up on Youtube tonight so give that a look. All in all I'm really glad I challenged myself and I'm a better dancer and person for making it through a tough journey. I'm just not sure if this is the last performance and that kind of makes me sad.